Dear Hormones.

You sieve in and out of her as and when you want, rendering my judgement useless and my efforts utterly futile. You turn her into the most boring person alive, stripping her of usual wit and humour. The usual jokes fail to churn any laughs, the sweetest songs get ignored. There is literally nothing else I can possibly do within my very humanly abilities except to find some test subjects and solve PMS. But if I was gonna do that, I would just go cure cancer instead because frankly, cancer kills people and that's way more serious and yeah, nothing else.

Seeing that my own girlfriend wondered out loud how I would last if she went on a holiday without me... I should probably challenge myself. Yeah. From now on, 1:22:20AM, I will not text my girlfriend, unless texted, and will not text her on my own initiative until she says she is no longer hormonal and her mind of warping emotional demons have stop becoming a mess of shape shifting substances. I will not call her no matter how worried or concerned I am. I will not be tempted to talk to her, no matter how much a certain object/action/thought remains myself of her.

So yeah, fuck it. I'm going on my own sabbatical. Hell. Fuck 23rd October. Why bother fucking planning right? It'll be a game time decision. You'll just act up at the right moment anyway. Throw a month's worth of planning down the piss drain. You must really be good friends with this "Murphy" guy because you know what, you guys fuck everything up at the right moments. Who the hell knows? Because, frankly I'm sick and tired of smsing, trying to find out what's wrong. And then getting nothing. And everyone knows I hate being ignored. I don't even know what I've done. I don't honestly know what the fuck is going on. As far as I know, I haven't done anything wrong. And I don't just message people for the fuck of it. I message people because I care. Because I give a shit. Because I NEED to know something. But apparently, my over eagerness (not just in terms of sexual advances, gee, wow amazing I'm eager for something other than pussy, I know) and unwillingness to stand pat is fucking everything up. I have no quit and I'll keep trying. But it's fine time I realize this is one battle I'll never win. Fine. I'll stand pat. I'll wait. After all, I'm powerless and there's nothing I can do.

Just know that, you're not the only one who cries. I just teared up because as of right now, I am the most useless man in the universe. And now, I take this vacation, unwillingly. Because this person is not the one I fell in love with. And she is driving me away. And once again, there is nothing I can do. Try as I might, I'm not Clark Kent. Hell, I'm not even sure Supes himself can fight the power of the ovulation cycle. Shit is more puzzling than kryptonite mixed with vitagen.

So fuck you, hormones. Give me back my baby in a week, alright?

Your frustratingly,
Dex

Goodbye.